So some of you have already heard this story, but if you haven't, here it is - in detail for posterity's sake :)
My due date, the 23rd of January,
loomed ahead as I tried very hard not to get too excited/nervous. It was
getting so hard to be patient even though I was trying to be. The whole
pregnancy was easier to be patient with
than when I was pregnant with Claire, although in January the reality of it all
caught up with me. I was very nervous about how everything would play out, especially because I wanted to go epidural-free largely to avoid the
complications of last time.
Fast forward to
Monday morning (two days before my due date). Dr. Bass stripped my membranes (which got me going into labor
with Claire). I was hopeful but tried not to get my hopes up too high. After the
appointment I automatically started feeling my contractions which had been
happening frequently before but were usually hard to detect unless I put my
hand on my abdomen. The Dr. told me I was already dilated to a four and he
thought things would move quickly when they did start because the baby had
dropped so low. I was hoping for a much quicker labor but had no idea how quick it would start. I went shopping after the
appointment and had a nice leisurely day, especially because Christian had no
school and took care of a lot of things for me (what a blessing timing-wise!) By noon I could tell the contractions were getting stronger although still
between 6-15 min. apart. I was getting convinced that this might be it! By
three or so Christian, Claire and I went on a walk and I would have to slow
down during a contraction or stop altogether to breathe. By that point we
thought I might deliver in the next 24 hours. After five is when things started
to get serious. I started to use my birthing ball (sitting on it really felt
good for me in late pregnancy and early labor) and relaxation (the
Hypnobirthing method is what I went off of) and felt I was doing a good job. I
was still hungry and eating simple, easy to digest foods and trying to drink
water. I had to go to the bathroom a lot so I knew my body was getting into
gear. At six I got in the tub with Claire and that felt nice although I felt
bad having to zone out during contractions. My poor two year-old of course
didn't understand why mom was ignoring her and I was nervous she'd fall on my
belly or something during the contraction which I imagined would HURT.
Timing-wise things
were working out beautifully. Between 6:30 and 7:00 I managed on my own while
Christian got Claire into bed. I was hoping he would move fast though because I
knew I was starting to need his help. At seven Claire was asleep and Christian
came in to help. The last couple hours of labor I was very direct and did not
want to mess around. I told Christian exactly what I wanted and didn't want
(including touching me too much, in too many places, talking too much, and
breathing in my face :) but he dealt with his grumpy and bossy wife very very
well. Just the pressure of his touch and directing me to relax certain places
and his general physical presence was what I needed. Later on I would signal to
him a contraction was starting with a low, mumbled word and he would respond
right away. A nurse at the hospital mentioned that he was better than a lot of
doulas she's seen! What a wonderful man I am married to. I get overwhelmed
thinking of how much he blesses my life.
Backing up to the
period between 7-8:30 is not that much fun to think about. That's when things
got really intense (like afraid of waking Claire up with my noises) but
Christian encouraged me to be patient, that we should wait it out at home a
little longer. I was realizing that lying on my side in bed helped me to
completely relax my entire body better. I felt like standing, leaning, or
sitting usually tensed me up too much. However, standing and leaning on Christian felt good sometimes too, so we tried different things. By 8:30 I told Christian we needed to go to the
hospital and I wanted an epidural. It was funny how my brain was working.
During a contraction I'd think, "there's no way any human being would want
to endure this - I have to take this away" but as soon as it would end I'd
think, "I'll regret getting an epidural - the length of time afterwards to
regret is so much longer than the sacrifice of the actual moment. I just need
to be patient and take one at a time. I can do this." and then when the
next one would start I'd go right back to wanting an epidural. No matter what
though, I wanted to get to the hospital. At least I'd have a change of scenery,
I could find out what I was dilated to, it would buy time. I was hoping an
advanced dilation would give me encouragement too. My guess at that point was
that I at a 5-6 and I thought I'd have maybe 3-5 hours left of labor. I
didn't think I was in transition yet because contractions were still 3-5 min.
apart and lasting 1-2 min - I thought transition was always nearly back-to-back
pains. I did start to get really flushed and sweaty and nauseous during peaks
so I started to wonder. Christian was getting a little nervous at my weakening
attitude - I started crying at one point and stopped relaxing very well but he
was getting convinced we should go to the hospital too. It was especially hard because I was expecting my mother-in-law, Lorraine, to be there to help. Lorraine used to be a certified doula and has had great experience being a birth companion. I knew her presence during my labor would help me get to my goal of doing it epidural-free but things moved so much quicker than we thought they would and her arrival near 11 pm (which in the early evening we thought would be fine) turned out to be barely too late. At home, Christian delayed me another half
hour though which was good, by getting a couple more things ready for
Christian's mom and brothers and calling someone to come
over and stay at the house while Claire slept.
At the hospital around 9:20 I
was checked and I was at a 7 1/2! Yay! That was very hopeful. My questions about an
epidural though were answered by the nurse with hesitation, "The
anesthesiologist is in surgery and won't be available for another hour." I
think she knew that baby would come
before an epidural could be administered. I responded with resignation but not
severe disappointment or desperation. Now I didn't have a choice. This was a
good thing for me. My relaxation at the hospital started to improve, helped by the nurses'
compliments of how I was doing and my growing confidence. Lying still and
having Christian's touch helped me get deeper into a relaxed place. Multiple
times no one would know I was having a contraction unless I told them or they
saw the monitor. At one point I said out loud to myself, "I can do
this". "Yes you can!" they assured me. Not 30 min. after the first check I was
in a room and my Doc (who thankfully was on call that night) came in and said I
was at a 9 1/2. "Are you serious?" I said. I couldn't believe I was
moving that quickly. One little push and some adjustment by the Dr. and my
cervix was fully dilated. "You ready to push?" I was so excited I
could push that baby out! Another thing I didn't expect was that I wasn't
feeling an intense urge to push. During the contractions I pushed anyway and
felt that heavy pressure down low. The baby was descending. It was intense but not really from pain, mostly from the thought that THIS IS IT! I am pushing a baby out of me! He did a local shot
so I wouldn't feel the stretching at the very end or any tearing/stitching
which was nice and three contractions later (less than 10 min. total) and a
tiny tear, that baby was on my belly. 10:13 pm, 7 lbs 3 oz and 19 in. long. I was in such shock at seeing him on me right after - he's here! I did it! It's over already!?! Wow. It really had turned out easier than
I thought (which was a comment I'd heard from a friend who couldn't have an epidural. Pre-labor I held hopefully on to that statement - that maybe it could be that way for me too :) Would I do it again that way? Possibly yes but I'm not anti-epidural either. I think the most important thing is that we're personally satisfied with the experience - whichever way you do it.
The days after his birth I noticed a significant increase in how soon I was bonding, loving and cuddling him compared with Claire - partly from the fact that I wasn't laid-out flat from my epidural headache and partly from the fact that I was used to loving and cuddling a baby of mine. Breastfeeding has been so much less stressful so far and everything really has been smoother. The confidence that comes from already having a child is nice.
Clark is sweet and still sleeps a lot but is starting to get more alert and awake. Claire loves giggling and talking about the baby - how he eats and pointing to my tummy and saying that he came out of mommy and laughing (in kind of a nervous way) when he cries next to her. She is very good at kissing his head and talking in sweet, high-pitched mommy tones. She is naturally sweet and gentle (usually) with him.
About six hours before delivery. Contractions weren't that strong yet.
The satisfaction right afterwards. I did it!
The miracle of birth is cliche but it's so true. We love our little guy so much.
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